Forgiveness Day

Copyright © 2008
Gallup Independent
By Geri Moore
Special to the Independent

August 27th is Global Forgiveness Day. I know of this date as I am a big believer in forgiveness. I believe in the power of forgiveness. The peace of forgiveness. The redemption of forgiveness. The lifestyle of forgiveness. The emotional growth of forgiveness. Forgiveness of self, God, parents, spouses, family members and even organizations.

Back in 1995, I was in a restitution and reconciliation program that included secular and spiritual mentors, who introduced and guided me through the stages of forgiveness. Hurt. Hate. Heal. Reconciliation. I gained entry into this life-changing world of reformation and transformation by turning myself in. The phrase itself, “turn myself in” is quite profound.

In the bright light of a New England, October day, I looked into the mirror and hated the face I saw reflecting back. Not a, “Oh, I hate my nose” kind of hate. This was a moment of absolute revulsion. Complete and total self-loathing.

It was yet another the-day-after-the-night-before. A typical night out sipping champagne and snorting cocaine. An evening that started with going out-on-the-town and ended with blacking out on the couch. Not an uncommon or even questioned occurrence in those party-hardy days.

A thousand-and-one burning, busting thoughts rumbled, crumbled and crunched in my brain as I looked at myself. None of them happy thoughts. My heart raced. My stomach ached. My head, definitely, hurt. My whole being shook with nausea and disgust. Although similar, I “knew” these were not the physical symptoms of yet another hangover. This was different. Very different. This was, I believe, my Conscience breaking through. An implosion of my façade. My Higher Consciousness rose. That long buried moral compass of: right and wrong, good and bad, moral and immoral, truth and lies resurrected itself! The face staring at me was a People Of The Lie. I felt the truth of the lie that was my life in every fiber of my body. Embarrassment. Shame. Guilt. Fear. Remorse. I felt aching, breaking, splitting, wracking and cracking emotional pain.

Soon thereafter, in ‘fessing up to scamming and stealing to a counselor, clergy and criminal attorney, I began my lessons on forgiveness, restoring dignity, facing guilt, shame and the impact of crime. Special emphasis was on self-forgiveness, the heart of healing.

I’m recalling this time in my life because six months ago, I looked in the mirror and saw the same false and empty look of thirteen years ago. I was a People Of The Lie — again.

I presented myself as a relationship coach teaching others how to have a healthy, loving relationship, while I myself was struggling with those same issues. While I preached to others the importance of staying strong to yourself, your self-worth and your values, I spiritualized, rationalized, and minimized the dysfunction in my own relationship. I let my need for someone to “love” me dummy-down my Conscience. My Higher Consciousness was on the Down Low. I blurred the lines of: ethical and unethical, healthy and unhealthy, whole truth and lies- by-omission. I turned my back on my True Self. I was so frightened of being 60, homeless, destitute and alone.

The defining moment when my True Self resurrected — again — wasn’t as dramatic as those long-ago coke soaked days, but equally sobering. And, at this later stage of life, even more defining.

I no longer live the lie to avoid the truth of my reality or the pain of my feelings. Embarrassment. Shame. Guilt. Fear. Remorse. Rather than close myself down to avoid these negative feelings, I now willingly open myself up to really, really feel them. I remember that these negative emotions wrack my body to tell me that I have chosen incorrectly. I can choose again. I can choose peace instead of this. I can be a woman of integrity shedding shame and blame to reclaim my True Self. Recognizing the wisdom of these feelings, I am free to let go of resentment and unforgiveness. Rather than continue to be with another and hollow, I take the risk to walk alone and be whole.

Once again, the journey to forgiveness begins with “turning myself in.“ I ‘fessed up to my girlfriends, neighbors, counselors and support group members. I asked their forgiveness for being an emotional vampire while stuck in false hope and fear. August 27th, Forgiveness Day, is marked on my calendar with a big red heart. That will be a good day to make bold choices to let go and move on with a peaceful, forgiving heart.

Geri Moore recommends www.globalforgivenessday.org for more information about Forgiveness Day. She can be reached at gerimoore@aol.com or 1-505-722-5412.
This column is written by area residents, representing different faith communities, who share their ideas about bringing a spiritual perspective into our daily lives and community issues. For information about contributing a guest column, contact Elizabeth Hardin-Burrola at The Independent: (505) 863-6811 ext. 218 or lizreligion01@yahoo.com.