Cancer survivor recalls her ordeal

Lori Bates-Bigthumb and Faye Becenti walk the track at Crownpoint High School during the first ever Relay on the Rez American Cancer Society event on Friday. [Photo by Brian Leddy/Independent]

By Natasha Kaye Johnson
Diné Bureau

Janet Morgan s a five-year survivor of breast cancer. [Photo by Brian Leddy/Independent]

CROWNPOINT — Janet Morgan sat amid the bleachers Friday evening watching as the crowds of people trickled in for the “Relay on the Rez.”

“I’m surprised all these people showed up,” Morgan said, her eyes gazing.

The event was attended by a wide range of people who had some link with cancer; some who survived cancer, some are still fighting cancer, some who lost loved ones to cancer.

The web of support was a feeling of comfort for Morgan, but five years ago, when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, she could not have felt more alone.

Recalling a painful day
It was the morning hours of April 2002 when Morgan discovered a lump in her breast.

“It was almost the size of a pencil eraser,” recalled Morgan.

She knew something was wrong, and she called her doctor to have her yearly check up pushed to an earlier date.

“I was scared,” the 51-year old Smith Lake woman said.
Her doctor told her there was a possibility the lump could be cancerous, and a follow-up appointment a few days later confirmed Morgan’s worst fear. She was told she had cancer in her left breast.

The news left Morgan feeling overwhelmed and scared. She cried upon hearing the news, and a million thoughts raced through her mind.

“I thought about my kids first,” Morgan said. “I thought what about my family.”

Morgan had always understood cancer, any cancer, to be a terminal disease, and she wondered if she would survive the illness.

Feeling less of a woman
The next few months Morgan underwent a series of medical exams and treatments. She eventually had to undergo surgery to have her left breast removed, and began chemotherapy.

The chemotherapy was harsh on her body, and Morgan recalled how she would constantly throw up and grew to hate the smell of food. Her appetite disappeared, and she began to lose weight.

The removal of her breast and the side effects from the chemotherapy left Morgan feeling depressed. The feminine qualities she once prided herself in as a woman were gone.

“I had no hair, all my fingernails turned black,” she said. “My eyebrows, my eyelashes were all gone.”

Her diminishing physical qualities as a result of the therapy left her feeling like less of a woman, and she was not motivated to dress up.

“A majority of the time I just wore a T-shirt and sweat clothes,” Morgan said.

At one point, she tried to stuff her bra, but it didn’t work.

“I was out of balance, even in walking,” Morgan said.

She hid herself as best she could, cloak herself in oversized clothing, and scarves to mask her balding head.

The chemotherapy affected her eyesight, and she often wore dark sunglasses to hide her from the sun’s rays.

Hiding her illness
During the time of her chemotherapy, people gawked at Morgan’s appearance, and although she was certain people knew she was sick, she decided to keep her illness a secret for as long as she could.

“I tried to hide it,” she said. “I was ashamed of it.”

She continued to go to work as a case manager for social services, but otherwise isolated herself. Simple tasks, like paying bills and doing laundry, drained her, and she wasn’t able to do some of the things she enjoyed, like running or chopping wood.

“I was depressed,” Morgan said. “I didn’t want to do anything.”

Morgan said she cried often, and many times to herself.

Her husband Robert, at one point, suggested she stay home and focus on getting better, but Morgan was insisted she keep working. She knew if she stayed at home, she would only focus on her illness.

“My husband told me one time to resign,” Morgan said. “I told him I can’t do that. I don’t know what I’m going to do if I stay home.”

At one point, she questioned why she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and was told by a traditional woman the reason she got the cancer was because she did not breast feed her children.

Morgan sought out traditional help, and had the Lighting Way ceremony done to supplement the Western medical treatment she was already receiving. She credits her husband, mother, and children for helping her through the difficult times, as well as her faith in the Native American Church.

Today, Morgan wears a special bra with a prosthetic breast where her left breast once was. She admits it’s a bit uncomfortable to sleep on, and it still aches in the area where her breast was removed.

“I can still feel the pain in my vein,” Morgan said.

As a five-year survivor of cancer, Morgan encourages women of all ages to check themselves regularly for lumps.

Morgan ran her hands through her hair where only bits of stringy hair covered by a bandanna used to be. She laughed as she remembered trying wigs to cover her head.

“It didn’t look like me,” she said, chuckling.

Even with all the pain and suffering caused by her chemotherapy, Morgan found the silver lining in the treatment that once caused her so much agony. She credits the chemotherapy for giving her the thick long, black hair that now hangs past her shoulders.

“It’s curlier than before,” she smiles, wrapping a strand of hair around her index finger.