Spiritual Perspectives
Get Back on the Love Highway At the Forgiveness On-ramp

By Geri Moore
Special to The Independent

My husband and I are in counseling. Spiritually based marriage counseling. If you asked me why we were in counseling, I'd respond, "We hit some bumps in the road."

I'm not being evasive, nor am I am denial. It's that I'm reacquainting myself with the use of metaphors. I believe it is a gentler way of understanding a harsh situation. The use of a metaphor eases me into learning and accepting life's lessons. The not-so-easy life experiences. With reference to something as everyday as a "road," I'm in touch with the universal human condition. I guess that is why the Great Spiritual Masters, Jesus and Buddha, among them, so frequently taught in this manner.

I say I'm getting reacquainted because, I "got" the hidden messages of fairy tales such as: Snow White or Beauty and The Beast, and in graduate school wrote my thesis on the topic. Working as a teacher in prisons, I used the story of Dorothy and The Wizard of Oz to have inmates connect with their unspoken emotions of their inner Tin Man, Lion or Scarecrow.

I've been a longtime "trekkie" intrigued by the humanity, wisdom and lessons of diversity, as The Enterprise traveled where "no man went before" living the Prime Directive. In more recent years, I've excitedly debated the struggle of human natures' dark side in The Phantom Of The Opera or Harry Potter. I'm happy to go see colorful Pixie and Disney animations, such as Cars, or Happy Feet knowing I'll get an uplifting message midst the laughter and special effects. I'd forgotten how much Bible stories, parables, fables, and allegories fascinated and deeply influenced me. Gently, non-intrusively, but with impact.

By "speaking metaphor" the human oneness of a vast array of emotions, even the hard ones, softly embrace us. Whether we are referring to pain and suffering or love and joy, a metaphor can represent an empowering example for spiritual living. A simple reference such as "bump in the road" fulfills a Universal Truth that communication is for the purpose of joining. I need to be reminded that the gift of speech is dishonored anytime I use my words or voice to tear down or break apart a person or a relationship. The use of a metaphor helps me do this.

You see, I'm a recovering labeler. Without reframing situations or emotions into a metaphor, I'll revert back to name-calling, bashing, slamming and analyzing. After many years of working as an addictions counselor, I'd become quick to tell you what your diagnosis was, how you were feeling now, and what you were going to have to do in the future. I'd had such a head full of DSM, I became heart empty of WJJD (What Would Jesus Do?)... or The Buddha or any other Great Teacher. My higher self knows that the essence and Spirit of us is rekindled when speaking without labels.

No matter what the differences in age, gender, race, culture or geography, when I say to another person, "We hit some bumps in the road," I always receive a gentle smile, or a slight nod of the head. Empathetic eyes. Knowing sighs. With those seven words, I've managed to live my truth, connect with others, ease my burden, share a human experience and maintain the sacredness of our marriage. I can tell my story and relate to you without disrespecting my loved one or myself. A short, simple metaphorical reference connects; a long ,complicated analysis separates.

Part of the beauty of utilizing a metaphor is that it can be both universal and individual. When I place our marriage in the metaphor of a "road trip," I think my husband and I are: two for the road, on the road again, with a road under construction, as well as taking the road less traveled this time. With these phrases and images, I feel a physical release in my chest that opens me up to feelings of hope, optimism, love and forgiveness.

In continuing this metaphor, we now see that when we first set out, eight months ago, on the marital road, the map was routed with intended destinations of: Growing Love, Increased Finances, Enhanced Companionship and Decreased Stress. In our enthusiasm, we drove so fast we missed the signs that warned us of winding roads and steep hills ahead, as well as the signs to: yield, take an alternate route, follow the detour, and to stop.

Inevitably, we hit the bumps in the road (job loss, money problems, death of family members, depression). The first person we asked for directions from lived in Label Town, part of Quick Fix City. Here, not only had my husband and I hopelessly lost our way, but we also had our names changed. We were now referred to as Victim and Perpetrator, Controller and Codependent. We were told that there was no way back, we should travel solo, take the nearest exit, and not look back.

And that almost happened. On the road alone, broken down, at a dead-end, I remembered there was a Great High-Way Planner, who knew more about road construction, road repair, and new directions than anyone else. I turned to the Great HighWay Planner, who guided me back to this metaphor and to my husband.

Together, we got back on the HighWay of Love at the Forgiveness On-ramp. Daily, we invite the Great HighWay Planner to help us to slow down, honor the signs and the scenery and to avoid Label Town or Quick Fix City.

We understand now, the"bumps in the road," are part of our life and marriage journey a road still under construction. Construction is building, renewing. Not destruction, not ending. So, we're on the road again!

Geri Moore is a dating and relationship coach for mid and later-life women who presents seminars on love, forgiveness, transition, recovery options and stages of life change. She can be reached at gerimoore@aol.com or 1-505-722-5412.

This column is the result of a desire by community members, representing different faith communities, to share their ideas about bringing a spiritual perspective into our daily lives and community issues.

For information about contributing a guest column, contact Elizabeth Hardin-Burrola at the Independent: (505) 863-8611, ext. 218 or lizreligion01@yahoo.com.