Spiritual Perspectives
Loss Hurts

Rev. M. Linda Rounds-Nichols
Special to the Independent

Benjamin Franklin is reported to have said that “The only things certain in life are death and taxes.” I think we need to add that something else is certain — loss and the accompanying grief. If we live very long, we will face loss — whether it be the loss of a friend, the loss of a prized possession, the loss of a job, the losses caused by ending a relationship, or the loss caused by death.

Whenever we have a loss, we will feel grief, yet grief is something we often don’t discuss. In fact, in our society, it almost seems that grief shouldn’t happen. Bereavement leave, for example, is usually only available for the death of one’s immediate family. Bereavement leave usually is non-existent for the loss resulting from divorce, or the loss of a good friend, or the loss incurred when a child leaves home. Yet, we grieve over all of these losses, and many more.

In a society that seems to attempt to control feelings by ignoring them, we may find that we have no understanding of grief. Grief could be called a “crazy-maker.” It is difficult to feel motivated, difficult to make even simple decisions, difficult to feel okay, even difficult to feel at all. Emotions swing back and forth from anger to sadness, from guilt to blame, from extreme emotion to bleak nothingness. Because we so rarely talk about grief, we often think we must be crazy, when in fact we are experiencing what most people do when they grieve.

Most of us are likely to agree with Rose Kennedy, who said, “It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, (protecting its sanity), covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But, it is never gone.” We will always remember life as it was, the lost friend, home, job, vehicle, pet, health, possession, and so on. We remember, and in time create what becomes for us a new normal — never the same, but our new life.

Grief hurts. Losing something or someone dear to us hurts. So what helps? It helps to talk about the loss. It can help to write about it, use various forms of art to deal with it. It can help to be with others who have had a loss. On Sunday, November 11, at 2 p.m., RMCHCS will hold the annual Memorial Service, and everyone is invited to attend. It is a service of remembrance. Perhaps remembrance — and knowing that we are not alone in our loss and our grief helps the most. Please come — no one has to go through grief alone.

Rev. M. Linda Rounds-Nichols, a priest in the Church of Antioch, and a student of inter-faith ministry, provides pastoral care and spiritual direction, advocates for acceptance of the religion of all people, and is especially interested in helping women connect with their own special spiritual issues through an investigation of Womyn’s Spirituality.

This column is written by area residents, representing different faith communities, who share their ideas about bringing a spiritual perspective into our daily lives and community issues. For information about contributing a guest column, contact Elizabeth Hardin-Burrola at The Independent: (505) 863-6811 ext. 218 or lizreligion01@yahoo.com.