Cancer survivors
Gallup, Grants women share a common bond

Grants school bus driver Carla Gallegos surrounds herself with children, whether the five in her home or the students she takes to and from school. Gallegos is a survivor of cancer, being cancer-free for almost 10 years. [Photo by Jeff Jones/Independent]

By Jim Tiffin
Cibola County Bureau

Cancer survivor Joyce Graves studies for a Relay for Life Conference on Wednesday afternoon at her home in Gallup. Graves has been diagnosed with cancer twice in the past 13 years and is very active in helping other cancer survivors. She has been the Relay for life Event Chair numerous times and regularly attends cancer support groups. [Photo by Matt Hinshaw/Independent]

GRANTS — Carla Gallegos and Joyce Graves have two things in common. They are not the same age, do not live in the same city, attend the same church or shop at the same grocery store — they do not even know each other.

Their common bonds are that both have survived breast cancer and have husbands that supported them through their crises.

Carla Gallegos
Carla Gallegos is 44 years old. She was 35 when she contracted breast cancer, a full five years before the medical community recommends getting a yearly mammogram and beginning breast self-examinations.

Gallegos said one day she was just washing in the showers and ran her hands across her chest and the lump was there.

“My mother died of breast cancer and when I was told I had it, it scared me to death,” she said.

“The doctors told me I needed a biopsy, so we did it and when it came back it was full of cancer from one side to the other ... the whole biopsy had cancer.

“The doctors told me I had a decision to make, about what kind of surgery I wanted — the doctors didn’t tell me what kind of surgery I needed, they said it was my decision.

Women need to know when they read this that the doctors will leave the decision to you, so do research like I did. I went online and got a book and did a lot of research,” Gallegos said.

Because of her research, Gallegos decided to have bilateral mastectomy, the removal of both breasts, in order to get all the cancer. The surgeon also removed 21 lymph nodes from her right arm. She is now in remission and said she does not have cancer.

She was underweight and a heavy smoker when she was diagnosed. “The theory, doctors say, about why I had cancer at such a young age, is that I carried the gene from my mother,” she said.

She had six months of chemotherapy following the surgery and three reconstructive surgeries to restore her look comestically.

“Some women feel guilty about doing that, but, I am comfortable with it,” she added.

She said she tried to have a good attitude and did not want to show her children that she had problems, and, without her husband’s support, she said she probably would not have made it through.

The couple have two young children together and a couple of stepchildren from his previous marriage.

“I hated him (her husband) looking at me or touching me, I felt so guilty, like I’m not a whole woman, that he wouldn’t love me anymore because I wasn’t whole.”

“He showed me it didn’t matter what happened to me — my looks – he loved me for who I am inside, not what I look like,” she said.

Gallegos’ husband Johnny said he was shocked when he heard the news about the cancer. “You have to be supportive and help as much as you can,” he said.

“You have to go through the transition of what is going on, you have to be reassuring and show her you still love her that she is the same person,” he said.

“I choose to say I am cancer free, there has been no sign of it in nine years,” she said. “It gives me more peace of mind, and my family too, to have that attitude.”

Joyce Graves
Joyce Graves, 58, is a volunteer for the American Cancer Society which has an office at the New Mexico Cancer Center in Gallup. She also volunteers with the annual Relay for Life and operates the Reach for Recovery program, which offers support to breast cancer patients, including prosthesis, wigs, and whatever the patient needs.

Graves, a retired teacher from Roosevelt Elementary School in Gallup, was 44 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

“I woke up one morning and felt a lump in my breast. It wasn’t there before,” she said.

It was about two weeks before she was able to see a physician to get checked because her husband Paul, while working on the roof of their house, fell off and they went to the hospital for his injuries.

“I eventually saw a doctor in Gallup, and he said he didn’t think it was anything to worry about but did a mammogram,” Graves said.

After the mammogram, Graves was told she needed to see a surgeon and have a biopsy done.

It was then she was told she had breast cancer and that she needed surgery.

“I was in shock — I couldn’t think — I remember just doing everything by rote.

“I thought I was going to die. It changed my life, how? One of the biggest areas is not wanting to waste time.”

“Life is short and we have to live it. I don’t like going to meetings where the meeting didn’t start on time or those at the meeting were not talking about the right thing, what the meeting was for.”

Graves had a lumpectomy and went through chemotherapy and radiation therapy and was cancer free ... for awhile.

Six years ago she felt another lump in her other breast and was told it was a new cancer, not related to the cancer in her other breast.

She had surgery and went through the treatment process again.

Today, she said she chooses to say she has cancer.

With her experiences, she has a great sense of wanting to give something back to others, her husband Paul said. That is why she has been so instrumental in volunteering with the society, the Relay and Reach for Recovery, he said.

“I used to put off things, but now, if I want to do it, if I can afford it and it doesn’t hurt anyone, I do it,” she said. And she does it with her husband, who is a cancer survivor himself, by her side.

Paul’s anger
“When she was diagnosed with cancer I was angry ... so angry,” Paul Graves said.

“’Why?’ I asked ‘why?’ Here’s this lady who does so much for other people,” he said. “I tried not to show it that much to her and I questioned what was going to happen to our world, to her, to me? There were all these unanswered questions.”

It changes relationships, he said.

“You lose patience with the small stupidities and small issues. Our relationship today is better than ever,” he said.

Both leave each other little notes around the house and when one or the other goes on a trip, like Joyce did last week to Arizona, Paul said he left her a couple surprise notes where she would find them. The notes say things like “I Love you,” or “I Miss You.”

“This is life, you have to be happy about each day, to talk and listen to one another.

“Say ‘I Love You’ more and enjoy each other’s company more each day.”

Both women urge others who are younger than 40 to begin doing self-examinations and get a baseline mammogram, because doctors need a healthy mammogram to use to help diagnose cancer.

To contact reporter Jim Tiffin call (505) 287-2197 or e-mail: jtiffin.independent@yahoo.com.