Human — Not Perfect

By Rev. Linda Rounds-Nichols
Special to the Independent

Occupational hazards — we all have them, whether or not we are in an occupation. We all have expectations, as well. Normally, we may be unaware of these .hazards or expectations, but when they are suddenly “in our faces,” we notice that they exist. This can be unsettling, uncomfortable, and yet — if we are blessed — we may gain the lesson. This comes to mind, because I have had a few situations in the past few weeks and months in which hazards and/or expectations have been in my face.

I heard a story recently about someone who wanted to talk to a member of the clergy about some spiritual insights. My expectation is that the clergy person would be very willing to have such a conversation. So, in hearing that, instead, the clergy person pointed out all of the reasons this person would not be chosen to have spiritual insights, I was pretty shocked. That led me to think about an occupational hazard of the clergy — we are to be available, welcoming, understanding, loving, and so on. Yet, we are also very human. Sometimes we are tired, confused, and say the wrong thing.

Saying the right vs. wrong thing, or the expectation that as a minister, rabbi, priest, chaplain, or other spiritual leader we will always say the right thing is another expectation/hazard. A friend called me recently to ask how to deal with a life-death situation. She called me because she felt I would know exactly what she should do and what she should say. Oh, that it were so! As one of the pastoral care providers at RMCHCS, I am sometimes called to the hospital when there is a crisis. Maybe my colleagues walk in, confident that they will provide exactly what is necessary, but I know I don’t. In fact, sometimes it feels that there is no “right” thing to do or say.

Actually, maybe the right vs. wrong is in the eye of the beholder. This came up in an interesting conversation recently. Christians often use the Bible to explain to non-Christians why Christianity is “right.” To the Christian, the Bible is right and the authoritative guide. Yet, to the non-Christian, the Bible is just another spiritual book, so quoting it has no more authority than quoting something else. In this case, the expectation of one person might be seen as a hazard by another.

And this could be a lesson some of these “in my face” experiences is providing. We all see the world from our own viewpoints. We all have expectations, core beliefs, values, etc. that direct our behavior. Yet, perhaps we forget that others may have other expectations, core beliefs, values, etc. Rather than assuming the worst and instantly blaming each other, perhaps we need to consider situations from different viewpoints.

Questions for reflection might be: What might he/she be assuming about my action (whether or not the assumption accurate)? How am I feeling when I act this way (because we probably do sometimes)? What could I do differently? The expectations that all people will like us, and we will like all people; that we will do and say the right things; that our explanations will be understood from our points of view; and so on, may be occupational hazards of being human.

So, what’s the “right” thing to do about this? Perhaps the lesson is about love and forgiveness. We need to work on self-love, loving others, and loving our Creator. We also need to seek forgiveness. We need especially to forgive ourselves. Perhaps we will never meet all of our own self-expectations, but that’s okay — we’re human — not perfect!

Rev. M. Linda Rounds-Nichols, a priest in the Church of Antioch and a student of inter-faith ministry, provides pastoral care and spiritual direction, advocates for acceptance of the religion of all people, and is especially interested in helping women connect with their own special spiritual issues through an investigation of Womyn’s Spirituality.

This column is written by area residents, representing different faith communities, who share their ideas about bringing a spiritual perspective into our daily lives and community issues. For information about contributing a guest column, contact Elizabeth Hardin-Burrola at The Independent: (505) 863-6811 ext. 218 or lizreligion01@yahoo.com.